Balancing Family/Riding (other stuff) Life

In all honesty, it's more kids than anything. We probably have a better support system than most. Both of our parents are around and local and we all get along. We usually don't have any issues spending time together or enjoying each other's company without the kids, even though we don't have the same hobbies. It's just tough being a parent sometimes and wanting time to yourself and not wanting to burden your spouse, but sometimes that just unavoidable. My wife works a full time job as well, and even though she enjoys her job, we can both be spent. I'm sure like most here, biking is a way to relax, even though it seems counter intuitive to most outsiders. There are a lot of people that don't see sweating your ass off, climbing, possibly crashing or whatever else as a way to unwind after work.

My wife is a great and she puts up with more of my shenanigans than she probably should. I mean I did go to Whistler for a week, get broken off, then go to Big Bear the following weekend. It was never an issue before we had kids. She was fine relaxing, hanging out, doing whatever. I had a season pass to Northstar when we first got married. She went a few times, hung out with the guys and just did her own thing while we were riding. It's just different when you have to wrangle multiple kids.

In all reality, there's probably never going to be a miracle solution, but it helps to chat with people with the same passion. I feel like this damn full time job thing cuts into my free time too much

I also plan on hiking and camping more with my kids as they get a little older. My 4 year old is pretty easy to handle, the little one is just exhausting most of the time. At the stage of being mobile and determined but doesn't listen or care about a damn thing you say.

 

I'm probably not a good example since both my kids are out of the house, but I still was able to do the things that made me happy even when they were still at home. My wife understands that we all need balance and accepts the fact that I need time to participate in my hobbies. At this point, I'm pretty lucky since I work from the house so I can get out pretty much anytime during the week that I don't have scheduled calls or meetings to get a ride in while the wife is at her office. On the weekend, I have a standing ride with a few friends every Sunday morning early and am home by 11. I give her Saturdays. She gets to pick whatever we do. She does road cycle with me, so sometimes I get to ride both days. But other days we go hiking, shopping, running errands, or whatever she wants to do.

 

It's so worth it! If you can get him to listen to safety stuff like fire rings, you'll be ready. We started our kids early and it's totally paid off! Our first camping trip was at Lake Tahoe when our son was just over 2 and our daughter was almost 4. I was really worried that one of them would trip and touch the hot fire ring, but they were really good about not playing near it.

SugarPine Point State Park, Lake Tahoe - 2011


I can't believe that was 6 years ago. The kids still love camping (car camping in a tent - no RV for us, and no backpacking yet), hiking, and the outdoors. They get disappointed if we plan a vacation that doesn't include camping! This summer we just took them on a 22 day road trip across the western US visiting 11 National Parks, through 11 states, and 5,600 miles. And they actually wanted it to be longer!

One of our amazing hikes at Rocky Mountain National Park this summer (vital Strava-ish stats - 6.1 miles at around 10k' elevation w/4 awesome alpine lakes):


I love thinking back about how much they've grown since that first road trip and how many places they've seen, camped at, and hiked with us ... and they're still only 8 and 10!

@kazlx You have so much fun ahead of you! Get out there and enjoy it!

 

Haha, Joe, it sounds like you are doing very many things right in terms of balance – and seeking how to keep it honed.

The kid thing...of course it's the biggest choice a couple can make. Props to all you dads and moms that make it work and still get out there.
It comes down to basic math of what you want and are willing to work for. We decided we want outdoor recreation above everything else. It's cool to have copious rec time, but we paid a price for it not experiencing offspring. Best thing is to know yourself and keep on your true path – everything flows from there

 

I must be one of the very lucky guys who has a wife who loves riding - as long at it's not too intense. (no jumps or serious DH)

 

Probably better she doesn’t ride. We’d be arguing about who’s going riding haha.

 

What everyone else said!
Get some lights for your bike and try night rides after baths and books.
Definitely get a Burly trailer and Piccolo to take the kid(s) with you. The biggest win-win there is!
If spouse is game, get a tandem. It equalizes your effort like nothing else. Lot of used ones out there!
(Wherever your marriage is heading, a tandem will get it there faster!)

 

It helps to have this place and these people to get me through times of no riding.

 

Surprisingly, Drunkcyclist.com had a very good article about children and getting them outside. I doubt this will pertain to many here, but its a good f@cking read nonetheless: http://drunkcyclist.com/2017/10/05/you-got-stop-half-lovin-these-children/

 

I am blessed with a wife who used to love to ride (including runs on Crank It Up at Whistler) and understands that I am a Labrador retriever. As long as I get to "chase sticks at the lake" regularly, I am loving, loyal and docile. She supported my ski racing, hockey playing, golfing, kayaking, soccer, tennis and of course mt. biking early in our marriage, pre-kid. She had she time, I had me time and we had we time.

Once our kiddo entered the picture, we were blessed with a late sleeper. That allowed me to get out on Saturday and Sunday mornings and get back before either wife or kid were up, or at least before they were ready to do anything. BONUS! That has been the case for 7 years. My "sacrifice" is that I don't venture too far from home to ride. Given the trails near me, that's not much of a sacrifice.

I think the breakover point is two kids (+), or kid activities. One kid and no organized sports (so far) makes it pretty easy. Sorry. That doesn't help you.

The only time we have a little bit of conflict is if I get injured. That begins to test her patience.

For you, maybe just a conversation about getting out once a week for 2-3 hours, and when that might work best for your family. Swap that out for a 2-3 hour block of time that your wife can do what she wants, without the kiddos. Use the labrador retriever analogy. It's apt.

 

This is an excellent idea! (For better or worse!)

But Joe, you have to play it correctly. Be sure she knows it's just for beach cruising. Cruisers have fat tires, right? Next thing it's a dirt road somewhere, followed by a hill or flat ST... next thing you know she wants a bike Truthfully, the goal is not to make your wife a MTBer, but just to share fun time together. She likes a good beach cruise now and again, yes? Tandems are heli-fun no matter what kind, how much of a beater, where you ride it. Off-road HTs and hybrids exist. The only down side is storing and transport, surmountable problems for most of us.

I kid, but not – some people just can't sit on the back of a tandem. Moria says that she learned a lot about what is possible on a MTB by stokering our tandem thru stuff that she would never have ridden solo. Next thing ya know she demands a trail bike and I get chicked every other ride...


Possibilities...

 

Wow... This thread was a great read. Nice topic, @kazlx.

I'm going to tell you what not to do if you want balance. Don't move 1200 miles away from family and then have kids. I can, literally, count on one finger the number of times that we had a baby sitter when the boys were little. Zero help... But that was our choice, and I wouldn't change a thing. Of course, my road bike (no mountains on the right coast where we were) hung on the wall for 20 years and I became a whale. But one of my fondest memories is sitting on the couch on Saturday morning with my toddler reading book after book after book. I can still recite one of his Peter Pan stories by heart.

As they got older, sports and activities completely took over the calendar. I grew up in the middle of nowhere, and played alone, so it was a conscious decision to give the kids a more social childhood than we had. I wouldn't trade that for anything either, and it was gone way too fast... I can't imagine if we had missed any of it. We looked at it as the kids' time, and our needs were secondary. That will not work for most... But my wife and I have lived for 25+ years with zero family to fall back on. And, as we look back, that time we gave up must have paid off... Our oldest was pretty successful in high school, both academically and socially, and is in his second year at a pretty good university. Son #2 is headed in the same positive direction...

It's only been in the last few years that I've gotten into mountain biking and stopped being a whale... The boys are both older, need us less, and it was time. My wife doesn't ride. I really wish she did, but it isn't likely to happen.

When a friend and his wife were expecting, I joked that I would make him an offer on his bike... Thinking that he was done riding for the next couple decades. Wrong... He bought a trailer for his baby, and that kid now has more miles and elevation under her belt than most of us. And she's summited a few of the bigger local peaks... On dad's back.

Pick your path and run with it. You may need to postpone your riding goals, or you may squeeze it in here and there... You'll figure out what works for you and your family.

 

This is the trailer I was talking about. Looks rad. I think had I known about it before my oldest was born, would have bought one no questions asked. But now it's sort of a gamble on how much use I would be able to get out of it. Maybe only 2-3 years with my youngest.

http://www.en.tout-terrain.de/trailers/singletrailer/

 

Tips:
1. Burley kid trailer. At least you are pedaling and also spending time with your kids. Pack snacks and plan an intermission at a playground, or include an errand of some sort so your wife is getting a break to. I have towed all 3 of my kids around town between ages 1.5 and about 5. Use caution with the little one. In mine I had to pack a beach towel inside to avoid her head getting bounced into the frame.

2. Have or convert a brother in law, cousin, uncle, or any other family member you visit often into a riding buddy. Plan ahead to include a ride during your family visits. Usually that's like the only why I can ride on the weekend.

3. Trade offs. "honey, can I get a ride in on Sat?" I don't know we are really busy and we have to go to Albertsons on Sat. Because there is no food left."Oh, no problem make me a shopping list and I'll go shopping late Friday night because they are open 24hr. Then Saturday after I get back you can go get a pedicure with your sister while I babysit"

4. Make a career change that better suits your lifestyle. One of the reasons I work where I do is because 1:45 lunchtime rides at WR are tolerated/encouraged.

5. Lower your expectations. I always defined myself through my adventures. Surfing, snowboarding, fishing, Spearfishing, MTB riding , DH racing. That worked fine through the point where my second daughter arrived. A massive shift in responsibility, expectations and income changed everything. No more taking off for most of the day, no new bike parts, no more adventuring for a while. I was lost, depressed, fat, without a bike for nearly 4 years. It was a dark time until I figured it out. I had to figure out that everything I valued so dearly meant Sh!t to my family. I fought it. Fought it hard. then one day I just stopped trying to be who I used to be, and just integrated into the wonderful family I created.

Now 42 with a third daughter at 2years old I am riding more than I did in my 30's. But it takes lots of preplanning and plenty of cancelled trips to make it happen. Low expectations.

6. Be ready. Always have your gear lined up and ready to roll with zero notice. You will see those rare moments line up where wife is going out shopping with the kids, or family wants to watch them, and suddenly you got 3 hours free!!!! Go ride

 

Come on Mike, you can add to that train...

Actually had a double-kid tandem tag-a-long sort of attachment once, but it was awful. Kids fought crazy-bad on it... didn't last long.

 

By the way, nothing is permenant. Kids evolve fast. Just don't be like me. This sounds really terrible but it's honest, A few years ago I resented my little kids for ruining my surfing. Because beach days turned into something other than surfing. I hated it, I was bitter and angry. But this is just temporary, you just have to go 100% into being super dad and participating in age appropriate activities. It's worth it. Now at 9 years old my daughter actually wanted to paddle out at Dana this summer and get pushed into waves. It was better than any big swell I ever chased.

Cheers.

 

Thanks for that honest assessment, D. Real stuff there!

 

I think I'm a better dad after I ride. If I don't I just turn into a grouchy guy ...

 

This is another option I'm thinking of getting once my son gets a little older: http://www.mac-ride.com/
I like these more than trailers so I can interact with him more and I can keep an eye on how he's doing. Right now he likes little jumps but not too much downhill speed. Maybe one day I can take him down a rock garden when he can hold on

 

Wow I totally need this. It's so enduro and my kid would love it.

 

I've been there. Adjusting was hard for me. Being married was easy, the idea and reality of kids was harder. I think it definitely takes more adjustment for guys that are very active and 'moving' all the time. My wife gives me a hard time because I get super antsy and have a hard time relaxing. We talk about vacations and she loves the idea of relaxing on a beach with a pina colada. I'll be up everyday looking for hiking or biking or some sort of activity. Relaxing vacations aren't very relaxing to me. I just end up bored.

 

Matt, this is a great post. Good on you for indoctrinating the young'ns early. Love the pics.

 

That's me too... I can't tolerate just sitting at the beach. I don't like sitting still. I also don't like visiting museums. I am a neanderthal.

 

I got the same issues.
this summer spent 5 days in Cabo....... I was ready to head back home on day 2.

 

Swung into Cyclelogical in Dana Point today to look for a fork box to ship my fork to Fox. They didn't have one. Then I looked at a couple of kids' bikes. My daughter is on a 20" wheeled Performance brand mt. bike, with grip shift that she can't shift. Actually, she can shift into a harder gear (releasing cable) but can't rotate the shifter to get into an easier gear. That means I have to shift for her when she gets to a hill - definitely kills the flow and impedes learning.

So I had my 7 yo daughter ride the Norco 20" full suspension rig they had in the shop, just to see if she could manage the trigger shifters. Yup - no problem with the Shimano triggers. Then she started falling in love with the bike. Maxxis tires, disc brakes, 11 spd. full suspension. Ridiculous. What's not to like. Still heavy. Why does a kid who fits onto a 20" wheeled bike need a $1500 heavy full-sus bike? Well, She loved it...



She was not exactly dressed for trying bikes, but she wanted to give it a whirl. That's my girl!

No...we are NOT buying this bike for her. But I will order new shifters for her current bike.

 

That is a wonderful picture Herz.

 

Yes! Ride little ones, ride! My boy just turned 2 on Monday and habitually asks “bike” “mut” (that means helmet). He taps his head when he wants to ride and that’s why I bought a BMX bike.

 

Awesome pics guys...

Scheiße. I feel old. The pics I took of my kids on their bikes were on film.

 

Way too cute. She looks serious about getting that bike on dirt.

Nice! Looks like that little helmet has MIPs!

 

It does!